With: Sara Jade Allen
When I got into high school, I developed an interest in politics
and activism, and I found myself not knowing what to do with the deep anger I
felt about the injustices in the world. So I wrote standup comedy about it. It’s
cathartic to find a way to laugh at anger and pain because getting to the other
side of it—somehow divining a punchline in all the turmoil—means you are forced
to accept and honor the reality and emotion. It’s not about being glib about
terrible things; it’s about finding your way through life’s difficulties with
your heart intact.
A Messy, Beautiful Life
Growing up, my sister taught me that the upside of tragedy is that
it can be turned into art. And even better: into comedy. This is what draws me
to write contemporary romance with humor. My sister, Theresa Alan, is an
author, too. When she was in high school and I was in middle school and we were
dealing with a difficult family situation, she funneled her feelings about it
into her first published essay (in Sassy
magazine! Remember that one? Anyone?). I followed her lead and took the same
situation and wrote a funny poem and drew a silly picture about it. It made me
laugh, and I think, especially as a tween, that was empowering. I couldn’t control the situation, but I could
control what I did with my feelings.
When I got into high school, I developed an interest in politics
and activism, and I found myself not knowing what to do with the deep anger I
felt about the injustices in the world. So I wrote standup comedy about it. It’s
cathartic to find a way to laugh at anger and pain because getting to the other
side of it—somehow divining a punchline in all the turmoil—means you are forced
to accept and honor the reality and emotion. It’s not about being glib about
terrible things; it’s about finding your way through life’s difficulties with
your heart intact.
When I was 28 years old I was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer,
and as you can imagine, my world was flipped upside down. I had just completed
an 8-month yoga teacher-training program and was the healthiest and strongest
in body and mind that I have ever been. Cancer? Possibly losing my leg or never
being able to fully bend or straighten it again? Terrifying, and also
completely absurd. Since my disease was rare, the options offered me by
multiple world-renowned doctors were widely varied and ambiguous. I ended up
seeing four of the top orthopedic specialists in the US and one in Germany, so
with all that travelling around, finding my treatment took time. During that
time, I channeled the confusion, the pain, the absurdity into art, writing a one-woman
show about it. After my surgery, during my year on crutches, I started writing
Ellie’s story.
As you can see, I greatly value humor as a tool for life. But why the
romance aspect? Simple: because of love.
Love is the greatest connecting force in our lives. And while I
love the connection that comes with laughter, our loved ones are there in the
quiet moments of our darkest hours, in the rawness, before we can find our way
through. We juggle our own humanity—fears, hopes, insecurities—to be brave
enough to be vulnerable with others, to love and be loved. During my cancer
diagnosis and recovery I was lucky enough to be surrounded by an unbelievable
support system and so much love, and I wanted that for Ellie in A Messy, Beautiful Life. She has a lot
thrown at her, but the people in her life are her force field. Love is the
highest art. It’s the upside to all of
life.
Excerpt:
I grabbed Craig’s arm to hold him back. “Hey, let’s, um, go meet
our parents first, then get snacks. See if they want any.”
He looked to where my gaze had been. Crap. I was caught. “What,
you know them?” He looked back and forth between us. “Bet you have a thing for
that guy, huh?” I rolled my eyes. He raised his eyebrows. They begged to be
pulled out, hair by hair. “Now, Ellie, it’d be rude to ignore a friend.”
“He’s not a friend.”
“A crush.”
“No, I just…we…”
“Acquaintance? It’s cool. I’ll pretend for your sake that one of
them is nothing more than an acquaintance. It’s the girl you’re into, then,
isn’t it?”
“You’re impossible. I met that guy for a second at the show last
night. Can we go now?”
“Of course not. It’d also be rude to ignore an acquaintance.”
My Ice Princess glare did nothing because he pulled me into line,
too close to Jason and his most-surely-a-model girlfriend.
They turned around at the same time. I can hardly explain the
double take Jason gave me. It was like an emotional sundae—two scoops of fear
with a sprinkle of huh? and a dollop of awkward with excitement on top.
“Wow, Ellie, hi. Crazy running into you. You guys took off so
quickly last night I didn’t get a chance to thank you for doing the show.”
“Yeah, well, you know freshmen and their pesky curfews.”
He nodded. I nodded back. That
torso. Smooth and tan and apparently filled with a billion bio-magnets,
because the entire organ that was my skin gravitated toward it.
Craig piped up, overenthusiastically, “Hey. I’m Craig, and you two
are?”
“Sorry, sorry, hey, I’m Jason and this is Marissa.”
“I heard you guys had some fun skits last night. That’s so great,”
Marissa said.
I winced at our improv set being called skits. “Thanks, yeah,
Scared Scriptless is a talented team. Very meshy and swirly,” I said. Realizing
how weird that must have sounded, I quickly added, “And funny.”
Jason wore only his board shorts and flip-flops. I’d hoped my
feelings last night were a result of the high from the show making everything
shinier. But now, in the light of day, he looked even more irresistible than I
remembered. Cheers and curses to the world of fashion for making low-riding
board shorts a staple in guy’s swimwear.
A Messy, Beautiful Life
Life is funny sometimes.
And not always the ha, ha kind. Like that one
time where a hot guy tried to kiss me and I fell. Down. Hard. And then found
out I had cancer.
I’m trying to be strong for my friends and my
mom.
And I’m trying so hard to be “just friends” with
that hot guy, even though he seems to want so much more. But I won’t do that to
him. He’s been through this before with his family, and I’m not going to let
him watch me die.
So, I tell myself: Smile Ellie. Be funny Ellie.
Don’t cry Ellie, because once I start, I might not stop.
About Sara Jade Alan:
Sara Jade Alan wrote her first comedy sketch during second-grade recess, then cast it, directed it, and made costumes out of garbage bags. Since then she’s performed in more than a thousand improvised and scripted shows. Currently she’s one half the comedy duo The Novelistas, who perform about the highs and lows of writing and publishing. When she’s not writing or performing, she gives My Life Online presentations in schools to teach kids how to create a positive online footprint, and she’s an educator with Girls Leadership. Raised in a suburb of Chicago, Sara now lives in Colorado with her husband and daughter. A Messy, Beautiful Life, Sara’s debut YA novel with Entangled Teen, is inspired by her personal life story.
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